----Qué preciosas se ven todas las mujeres de la isla desfilando desnudas, pero deberían sonreir más.---
-----Por éso le sugerí a su excelencia que el desfile debió haber estado compuesto por voluntarias.
ENGLISH VERSION.
----All the women of the island parading in the nude, is quite a sight of beauty, but they should smile more.--
---Precisely your highness, that's why I suggested a parade composed by volunteers.----
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
TRANSPERSONAL.© Carlos de la Parra. Spanish and English, clic down to read, Escrito en Español, haga clic hacia abajo para inglés')
Pareciera que se escucha una obviedad cuando se dice que cambió mucho su persona a partir del día en que viajando en su miniauto resultó arrolllado por el tren. Péro hay que tener en cuenta todos los pormenores que se desencadenaron a partir de éste suceso.
Para comenzar después del trasplante cerebral cambió su manera de pensar.
Luego le hicieron el trasplante de ojos y pudo tirar sus lentes a la basura pues ahora veía al 20-20.
Con el trasplante de piernas que le hicieron ,ahora baila bárbaro.
Su cuerpo superior por igual fué trasplantado y ahora lucía joven, fuerte y guapo.
Al estar en el hospital lo único que no le causaba molestias era el páncreas; y se lo dejó.
Ahora le dolía. ¡ Mierda! ¿Porque no se lo cambió estando ya entrado en gastos?
ENGLISH VERSION.
It could sound like something overly obvious to state that he changed as a person that day the train smashed him up inside his compact car. But one must keep within range all the events that were unleashed after this incident.
Just for starts, his way of thinking totally changed after the brain transplant.
Then they replaced his eyes and he was able to ditch his glasses, now endowed with 20-20 vision.
Transplanting his legs turned him into a terrific dancer.
His upper body also was transplanted and now he stood young, strong and handsome.
When he was at the hospital his only body part excempt from ailment was his pancreas. So he kept it.
But today it caused him pain.
He left the party thinking:---SHIT ! I should have had it changed for a new one. Me and my big mouth saying it didn't hurt.
Para comenzar después del trasplante cerebral cambió su manera de pensar.
Luego le hicieron el trasplante de ojos y pudo tirar sus lentes a la basura pues ahora veía al 20-20.
Con el trasplante de piernas que le hicieron ,ahora baila bárbaro.
Su cuerpo superior por igual fué trasplantado y ahora lucía joven, fuerte y guapo.
Al estar en el hospital lo único que no le causaba molestias era el páncreas; y se lo dejó.
Ahora le dolía. ¡ Mierda! ¿Porque no se lo cambió estando ya entrado en gastos?
ENGLISH VERSION.
It could sound like something overly obvious to state that he changed as a person that day the train smashed him up inside his compact car. But one must keep within range all the events that were unleashed after this incident.
Just for starts, his way of thinking totally changed after the brain transplant.
Then they replaced his eyes and he was able to ditch his glasses, now endowed with 20-20 vision.
Transplanting his legs turned him into a terrific dancer.
His upper body also was transplanted and now he stood young, strong and handsome.
When he was at the hospital his only body part excempt from ailment was his pancreas. So he kept it.
But today it caused him pain.
He left the party thinking:---SHIT ! I should have had it changed for a new one. Me and my big mouth saying it didn't hurt.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
FORMULA MORTIS.© Carlos de la Parra. ( ESPAÑOL. English clic down to read.)
Abatido al fallar su intento de suicidio, a través del cual venía repitiendo metodología.
Primero se sometía a una total privación de alimentos y alrededor del cuarto día sucumbía al ser vencido por el hambre y proceder a ingerir un emparedado de pavo al horno con salsa de frambuesas.
Pero ésto no iba a quedar así. Tomó notas para perfeccionar el método.
La próxima vez se aseguraría de agregar cebollas caramelizadas al vinagre balsámico y queso Stilton al platillo.
ENGLISH VERSION.
He was devastated upon failing his suicide attempt through repeated method.
To start he would submit himself to complete deprivation of food, and usually around the fourth day he would succumb defeated by hunger, and proceed to ingest an oven baked turkey sandwich with raspberry sauce.
But this would not be repeated once more. He took down some notes to get better results.
The next time he would be sure to add caramelized onions and Stilton cheese to this plate.
Primero se sometía a una total privación de alimentos y alrededor del cuarto día sucumbía al ser vencido por el hambre y proceder a ingerir un emparedado de pavo al horno con salsa de frambuesas.
Pero ésto no iba a quedar así. Tomó notas para perfeccionar el método.
La próxima vez se aseguraría de agregar cebollas caramelizadas al vinagre balsámico y queso Stilton al platillo.
ENGLISH VERSION.
He was devastated upon failing his suicide attempt through repeated method.
To start he would submit himself to complete deprivation of food, and usually around the fourth day he would succumb defeated by hunger, and proceed to ingest an oven baked turkey sandwich with raspberry sauce.
But this would not be repeated once more. He took down some notes to get better results.
The next time he would be sure to add caramelized onions and Stilton cheese to this plate.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
EVEREST. © Carlos de la Parra.
Al llegar a la cima se dió cuenta que repetía lo mismo que hacía de niño en la bicicleta diciendo:
Mira mamá, guío sin manos.
English version.
When he reached the summit he realized he was repeating the same thing he did as a kid on his bike saying: Look mom, no hands.
Mira mamá, guío sin manos.
English version.
When he reached the summit he realized he was repeating the same thing he did as a kid on his bike saying: Look mom, no hands.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
HYPERMICRO.© Carlos de la Parra.
El escritor de micro relatos se presentó al concurso con una propuesta mayor que un directorio telefónico.
Cuando lo descalificaron por tratarse de una novela, se tornó violento con los jueces y los atacó con el poste del micrófono, ya que ahí mismo pretendía leerlo todo.
Se lo llevaron con camisa de fuerza y gritaba : ---Es un micro, es un microoo.--
Ya en el manicomio extendió el relato a doce tomos para demostrar que tenía razón.
ENGLISH VERSION
The micro story writer showed up at the contest with something longer than a phone book.
When they disqualified him due to this being considered a novel, he turned violent and attacked the judges with the pole for the microphone, since he pretended to read it all out loud when they stopped him.
He was taken away in a straight jacket ,yelling, ---It's a micro, it's a micro.---
Once in the nut house he extended the story to twelve volumes to prove his point.
Cuando lo descalificaron por tratarse de una novela, se tornó violento con los jueces y los atacó con el poste del micrófono, ya que ahí mismo pretendía leerlo todo.
Se lo llevaron con camisa de fuerza y gritaba : ---Es un micro, es un microoo.--
Ya en el manicomio extendió el relato a doce tomos para demostrar que tenía razón.
ENGLISH VERSION
The micro story writer showed up at the contest with something longer than a phone book.
When they disqualified him due to this being considered a novel, he turned violent and attacked the judges with the pole for the microphone, since he pretended to read it all out loud when they stopped him.
He was taken away in a straight jacket ,yelling, ---It's a micro, it's a micro.---
Once in the nut house he extended the story to twelve volumes to prove his point.
Monday, October 31, 2011
STRESS FORMULA. © Carlos de la Parra. Versión en español.( CLIC DOWN TO READ ENGLISH VERSION)
Abu Kabriti, el fabricante de telas más importante del momento, elaboró una camiseta de golf con las especificaciones solicitadas por su cliente el gran golfista Trijuán del Caso.
Trijuán sería premiado ése año con el galardón de campeón del torneo de expertos, y meditando que vestir para su discurso de presentación ,se decidió por mandar a hacer una prenda única, y pidió que la camiseta más amarilla que jamás hubiése existido.
Abu Kabriti cumplió y envió la prenda a casa del campeón quien la sacó de la caja , se la puso y salió de prisa para llegar a tiempo.
Cuando entró al salón escuchó la ovación y las bocinas del recinto solicitaron su presencia en el podio.
Sonriente entre la felicidad de los asistentes, subió al sitio y se vió a sí mismo proyectado en una pantalla gigante. En el momento que bajaron las voces para oir a Trijuán, éste comenzó a gritar desgarradoramente, casi a sangrarse la garganta, desplomándose al piso y retorciéndose entre sus deseperados alaridos.
Varios organizadores acudieron en su auxilio, y al ponerlo de pie y lograr que regresara un poco a la calma, en sus oídos escuchaba las preguntas de ¿ Porqué ? y ¿Que le pasa?, principalmente entre la cascada de voces ansiosas y preocupadas. Incluso hubo quien aventuró la opinión de que pudiése consistir en algún tipo de terapia primal, de ésas en las que se recomienda que grite uno para exorcisar neurosis aún no resueltas. Reponiéndose un poco de su angustia, explicó que al verse en la pantalla, no pudo soportar que su camiseta fuése tan amarilla. Todos estuvieron de acuerdo.
ENGLISH VERSION.
Abu Kabriti, the world's most reknown clothier, had custom designed a golf shirt for the current year's champion of the Tournament of experts, the one and only Trijohn Casey.
As the champ requested, it was to be the yellowest shirt ever made, and he would wear it for his acceptance speech at the Golf Gala event.
Abu Kabriti delivered the shirt and Trijohn changed into it, and rushed to the awards ceremony.
As he came in he could hear both the standing ovation and his name blared on the speakers, so he went up to the podium and as he adjusted the microphone, he saw himself appear on the giant screen.
He suddenly fell to the ground screaming so loud that his throat was about to bleed, and his body was shaking as if it was on fire. The organizers ran to render him help, and almost choking , trying to catch his breath; when he finally calmed down he could hear a barrage of questions, mainly : Why?, and What's wrong. Someone ventured to say that maybe it was a case of primal therapy, where you yell out to release unsolved issues from childhood.
He regained his composure enough to state the he could not cope with the fact that his shirt was so overly yellow. Everyone agreed with him.
Trijuán sería premiado ése año con el galardón de campeón del torneo de expertos, y meditando que vestir para su discurso de presentación ,se decidió por mandar a hacer una prenda única, y pidió que la camiseta más amarilla que jamás hubiése existido.
Abu Kabriti cumplió y envió la prenda a casa del campeón quien la sacó de la caja , se la puso y salió de prisa para llegar a tiempo.
Cuando entró al salón escuchó la ovación y las bocinas del recinto solicitaron su presencia en el podio.
Sonriente entre la felicidad de los asistentes, subió al sitio y se vió a sí mismo proyectado en una pantalla gigante. En el momento que bajaron las voces para oir a Trijuán, éste comenzó a gritar desgarradoramente, casi a sangrarse la garganta, desplomándose al piso y retorciéndose entre sus deseperados alaridos.
Varios organizadores acudieron en su auxilio, y al ponerlo de pie y lograr que regresara un poco a la calma, en sus oídos escuchaba las preguntas de ¿ Porqué ? y ¿Que le pasa?, principalmente entre la cascada de voces ansiosas y preocupadas. Incluso hubo quien aventuró la opinión de que pudiése consistir en algún tipo de terapia primal, de ésas en las que se recomienda que grite uno para exorcisar neurosis aún no resueltas. Reponiéndose un poco de su angustia, explicó que al verse en la pantalla, no pudo soportar que su camiseta fuése tan amarilla. Todos estuvieron de acuerdo.
ENGLISH VERSION.
Abu Kabriti, the world's most reknown clothier, had custom designed a golf shirt for the current year's champion of the Tournament of experts, the one and only Trijohn Casey.
As the champ requested, it was to be the yellowest shirt ever made, and he would wear it for his acceptance speech at the Golf Gala event.
Abu Kabriti delivered the shirt and Trijohn changed into it, and rushed to the awards ceremony.
As he came in he could hear both the standing ovation and his name blared on the speakers, so he went up to the podium and as he adjusted the microphone, he saw himself appear on the giant screen.
He suddenly fell to the ground screaming so loud that his throat was about to bleed, and his body was shaking as if it was on fire. The organizers ran to render him help, and almost choking , trying to catch his breath; when he finally calmed down he could hear a barrage of questions, mainly : Why?, and What's wrong. Someone ventured to say that maybe it was a case of primal therapy, where you yell out to release unsolved issues from childhood.
He regained his composure enough to state the he could not cope with the fact that his shirt was so overly yellow. Everyone agreed with him.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
JURASIC.© Carlos de la Parra.( Lean y sobrevivan ésto--Read and survive this micro story) BILINGUAL VERSIONS, FOR ENGLISH, CLIC DOWN,
Había perdido la fortuna de su esposa en la creación de un centro de diversiones, basado en dinosaurios y mamuts mecanizados .
Algo falló, los niños le tenían miedo a las bestias, fabricadas con extremo realismo, y más horror tuvieron los que pasaban por la calle, al ser atacados por las gigantescas máquinas que se salieron de control.
Un corto en el mecanismo de ataque, y se combinaron las funciones de avanzar y rugir amenazadoramente, con las de comerse vacas enteras, lo cual se basaba en un truco por el cual deglutían reses vivas pero no las masticaban, así podían utilizarse repetidas veces, y era impresionante éste efecto especial, pues las vacas mugían con un volumen acorde al terror de verse capturadas.
Pues abreviando, y como suele suceder en éste tipo de casos, vinieron las demandas por los muertos, los coches volcados en el incidente y la factura que pasó la ciudad por el despliegue policiaco.
Deseperado nuestro antiheróico empresario, Caritino Somorrostro, fué a jugarse su última carta salvadora e hizo una visita a su suegra la millonaria banquera, a quien mostró un video donde se desarrollaba una tórrida escena amorosa que habían tenido ellos dos recientemente.
La distinguida dama, muy vivida y difícil de sentir sorpresa ante lo que sea, expresó:
--- ¿ Y que piensas hacer con ésto?---
Caritino respondió con dulzura:
---Si me das dinero, no te chantajeo, querida.---
Cuando despertó, su suegra todavía estaba ahí.
ENGLISH VERSION
He lost his wife's entire fortune on a venture that had promised great success. An amusement park for kids, with large life like mechanical dinosaurs and mammoths that ran around performing quite a realistic show.
But somethings went awry, the children were scared of the beasts, and ,no wonder, it was horrifying to see them perform the hunt of live cows, in which they would fiercely growl and pick them up with the jaws and swallowed them whole, it was only a special effect because the cattle would enter into a cushioned chamber and come out unharmed, but they would express their mooing whines to project their total fear.
And as in previous cases of robotic malfunctions, some short circuit instance threw the whole pack into attack mode, and they broke out of the park into the city streets causing havoc not to mention death and destruction.
The lawsuits unleashed from death and cars and buses flipped over like in an overdone Hollywood ending, surpassed the insurance coverage bringing our anti hero, Tony Faceworthy, into total ruin.
So Tony went directly to his mother in law's mansion, and showed this legendary lady banker a video featuring both of them in a torrid love scene.
The woman who had a character beyond any possibility of being surprised by anything, asked matter of factly,:---And what do you pretend to do with this, dearest?---
Faceworthy sweetly shot back with:---If you give me money, I won't blackmail you, sweetheart.---
When he woke up, his mother in law was still there.
Algo falló, los niños le tenían miedo a las bestias, fabricadas con extremo realismo, y más horror tuvieron los que pasaban por la calle, al ser atacados por las gigantescas máquinas que se salieron de control.
Un corto en el mecanismo de ataque, y se combinaron las funciones de avanzar y rugir amenazadoramente, con las de comerse vacas enteras, lo cual se basaba en un truco por el cual deglutían reses vivas pero no las masticaban, así podían utilizarse repetidas veces, y era impresionante éste efecto especial, pues las vacas mugían con un volumen acorde al terror de verse capturadas.
Pues abreviando, y como suele suceder en éste tipo de casos, vinieron las demandas por los muertos, los coches volcados en el incidente y la factura que pasó la ciudad por el despliegue policiaco.
Deseperado nuestro antiheróico empresario, Caritino Somorrostro, fué a jugarse su última carta salvadora e hizo una visita a su suegra la millonaria banquera, a quien mostró un video donde se desarrollaba una tórrida escena amorosa que habían tenido ellos dos recientemente.
La distinguida dama, muy vivida y difícil de sentir sorpresa ante lo que sea, expresó:
--- ¿ Y que piensas hacer con ésto?---
Caritino respondió con dulzura:
---Si me das dinero, no te chantajeo, querida.---
Cuando despertó, su suegra todavía estaba ahí.
ENGLISH VERSION
He lost his wife's entire fortune on a venture that had promised great success. An amusement park for kids, with large life like mechanical dinosaurs and mammoths that ran around performing quite a realistic show.
But somethings went awry, the children were scared of the beasts, and ,no wonder, it was horrifying to see them perform the hunt of live cows, in which they would fiercely growl and pick them up with the jaws and swallowed them whole, it was only a special effect because the cattle would enter into a cushioned chamber and come out unharmed, but they would express their mooing whines to project their total fear.
And as in previous cases of robotic malfunctions, some short circuit instance threw the whole pack into attack mode, and they broke out of the park into the city streets causing havoc not to mention death and destruction.
The lawsuits unleashed from death and cars and buses flipped over like in an overdone Hollywood ending, surpassed the insurance coverage bringing our anti hero, Tony Faceworthy, into total ruin.
So Tony went directly to his mother in law's mansion, and showed this legendary lady banker a video featuring both of them in a torrid love scene.
The woman who had a character beyond any possibility of being surprised by anything, asked matter of factly,:---And what do you pretend to do with this, dearest?---
Faceworthy sweetly shot back with:---If you give me money, I won't blackmail you, sweetheart.---
When he woke up, his mother in law was still there.
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