SABIDURÍA LITERARIA.----LITERARY SAVVY.© Carlos de la Parra.(Spanish and english versions here) clic down for more.

El profesor Fuentes tenía frente a sí al alumno más revolucionario y progresista de la universidad.
El joven estudiante aprovechó que se encontraba cara a cara con el laureado autor y le lanzó en seco la pregunta cargada:
---¿Cual diría usted que es el atajo más directo a lograr la novela más innovadora de la actualidad?---

----Eso es más que sencillo ,----contestó el maestro,----basta con sentarse a escribirla con la seguridad de que usted es el indicado para lograrlo, suelte todo lo que traiga en su interior ,termine el primer borrador en un año, luego desarme cada tema que haya tratado y sométalo a la duda de exactitud, obtenida la mejor opción, elimine lo innecesario y lo redundante, mate todos los adjetivos que pueda, déjelo a refrigerar en un contenedor un segundo año, pasado éste lapso revise que tal aguantó el paso del tiempo, elimine lo obsoleto y rescriba cada capítulo cuatro veces, una vez que termine toda la obra, guárdela otro año más y repita todo ésto hasta que vea que está perfecta.----                                                                                                      
---Oiga pero con ése método puede uno tardar cinco años---                                                                               
----O diez, éso es irrelevante. Hemingway se pegó un tiro cuando se dió cuenta que ya no podía lograrlo.---

---Bueno en tal caso yo podría pegarme el tiro, y alcanzo la fama evitando tanta labor.---

----Dudosamente, quizás pudiése que el final de usted llegue a nota periodística curiosa, pero quedaría en el olvido en pocos años, en cambio si lo hago yo aumento a mi leyenda, éso solo lo adquiere uno habiendo ocupado un sitio en la historia. Si lo duda, le mostraré ésto.----

Y el profesor Fuentes se sorrajó la bala de .45 en la sien derecha rociando sesos y sangre por todo el salón.
El alumno asimiló ésta lección de tal forma que hoy día escribe comerciales para una famosa marca de insecticidas.

ENGLISH VERSION.

Professor Fountains, one of the most likely candidates for the Nobel prize in literature was the guest speaker at a renowned institution that produced great writers. At this point in time he was being subjected to intense questioning by the leader of the student body, who was considered by his peers as an outstanding promise in the upcoming generation of new writers. The latest Mr.Cool embodiment.
He shot a loaded question, expectancy arose within the audience to watch a verbal skirmish.
---Sir, what kind of advice would you render on the subject of writing the most groundbreaking novel of our current times?---

The answer was delivered with exquisite soft irony, with that perfect edge in words and phrasing privvy to the chosen few.
----Oh, that is quite a simple task.----( laughter from the audience),----Sit down and write it.( more laughs).
But refrain from doubting even for a nanosecond that you are the qualified person to comply with this endeavor. To establish the construction process bring forth all your material. Remember writing or recording everything in your mind is only to review the existing possibilities. If any. (roaring laughter). Once you can see these body parts the assembly process begins and you chart the course of each chapter that will render this creature able to stand before the brightest light.
Then take the next year to assemble the body, and then proceed to review it in chapters or segments through a process of deconstruction in which you will fine tune it for accuracy, and the indispensible editing out of repetition, irrelevance, minutiae,etc and the killing of as most adjectives it can withstand.
Now for the test of time, freeze it for a year in a container, and upon your reading it after this seasoning period, and polish and rewrite five or more times until it's almost perfect, and this "almost" is crucial, don't forget what Zaratustra said about "too much perfection is an error".----

---But that could take up to five years--- ,said the cool one.

----Or ten. Which is irrelevant .Hemingway shot himself when he became aware he could no longer do this again.----

---Well ,that being the case, I could skip all the time and effort, and reach instant fame by killing myself.---

----No offense, but to be brutally frank you would get your fifteen minutes, and these might even extend for a couple of years, but after that you would reach total oblivion.----

---And what do you suppose would happen if you ever take such a step.---

----All modesty aside, my case would differ. It would only add to my own legend. You see once you occupy a niche in history , even a suicide, can be validated, if you allow me I will demostrate as follows.---

Having said that, professor Fountains placed a .45 against his right temple,and pulled the trigger spraying part of the conference room with blood and brain splatter.
The young student assimilated this lesson in such a way that now he writes and directs commertials for a famous brand of insecticide.

CARTUJOS---CARTUSSIANS ©Carlos de la Parra.(spanish and english versions) clic down for more, also visit twin blog.

El hermano Lauro se unió a los monjes cartujos para ocultar el hecho de que era mudo. El día del año que se les permitía hablar a todos  se referían a él como "el callado.".

Brother Lawrence joined the cartussian monks to hide the fact that he was mute. The one day of the year when everyone is allowed to talk, everyone referred to him as "the quiet guy".

EXCRETORIUM---© Carlos de la Parra. (spanish and english versions,clic down to see)

El arquitecto les mostró orgulloso el nuevo cuarto de baño submarino con acuario para que al llevar a cabo sus necesidades corporales, pudiésen los usuarios disfrutar una vista de los peces de la región.
---Hemos pensado en todo, es la última tecnología en sistemas de lavatorio---
Los que no gustaron de ésto fueron los peces eternamente sometidos a presenciar gente cagando.

The architect proudly showed the new homeowners the undersea bathroom with natural acquarium, where they could attend to their bodily needs and enjoy the view to the marine life.
---We thought of everything ,this is top notch state of the art technology in bathroom systems.---
The fish didn't agree. They hated to have been submitted to watch people shitting for the remainder of eternity.

CON TODO EL CORAZON---WITH ALL HER HEART.© Carlos de la Parra. (spanish and english versions, clic down)

Por fin había logrado obtener su corazón. Ella le dijo que le amaba sin medidas. El problema para Jack ahora era como deshacerse del cuerpo,pensó al lavarse la pegajosa sangre.

He had obtained her heart on the first date.She told him she loved him beyond the stars. The problem Jack was facing now was how to dispose of her body, and he pondered on that as he washed away the sticky blood from his hands.

EL GUITARRISTA---THE GUITAR PLAYER.( spanish and english versions) ©Carlos de la Parra.

----¿Y porqué te has dejado ésa uña tan larga?---

---Para tocar la guitarra.---

----Pero si tú ni tienes guitarra, ni sabes tocarla.----

---Bueno, pero algún día aprenderé.----

----¿ Y como para cuando ?-----

---Hombre, quizás nunca pues soy un procastinador.---

ENGLISH VERSION.

----And why did you grow your thumbnail so long?----

---To play the guitar.---

----But you don't know how to play the guitar, and you don't even have one.----

---But someday I will get one and learn.---

----And when will that be?----

---Maybe never, ´cause I'm a procastinator.---

EVOLUCIÓN O CREATIVISMO---EVOLUTION OR CREATIVISM. (spanish and english versions) © Carlos de la Parra.

Para el profesor de teología Fernando Muzquiz no existía ésta controversia. En su conciencia académica de primera, ambas teorías estaban unificadas.
Por éso cuando sus alumnos sacaban malas notas, exclamaba hacia el cielo: ---¿Que te hice San Carlos Darwin para que me hayas enviado a éstos simios?---

The eminent professor of theology Fernando Muzquiz did not contemplate these as opposite theories.To him both explanations of the existence of the universe were unified within his own consciousness.
And that was most eloquent at times when his students got bad grades, and he would look up to the heavens and ask, :
---How did I fail you Saint Charles Darwin for you to put me in care of these monkeys?---