Crudencio odiaba la limpieza y hacer cualquier gasto. Desde luego que jamás gastaba un céntimo en jabón, pero en éste rubro su madre se apiadaba y le enviaba cajas de jabones y lo atosigaba con llamadas insistiendo que se bañáse para evitar los gérmenes y malos olores. Más la buena mujer no calculó que debido al exceso de avaricia de Crudencio éste llevaba 15 años usando la misma toalla sin lavar. Una toalla negra brillosa que había sido blanca al comprarla.
Con tantas bacterias la toalla cobró vida propia y una noche reptó y se devoró a Crudencio.
Encontraron el esqueleto con la toalla al cuello y la madre permaneció en la creencia de que había fallecido después de bañarse.
ENGLISH VERSION.
Crudence hated cleanliness and having to incur into any expense. As a matter of fact he had never spent a penny on soap , but in reference to this, his mom would take pity and provide him with boxes of soap and crush him with phone calls about the importance of bathing to avoid germs and bad odor.
But the good woman failed to note that due to her sons excessive greed, he'd been using the same towel for 15 years. A black ,shiny towel that had originally been white and had never been washed.
With the excessive bacteriae contained in the towel, one day it acquired a life of it's own and in the midst of night crept to Crudence's bed and devoured him.
They found the skeleton with the towel surrounding his neck and to this day the mother swears that he died after bathing himself.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Saturday, March 23, 2013
PHOTOFINISH. micro. © Carlos de la Parra. versión ESPAÑOL---ENGLISH version, clic down.
------Lo siento. no puedo hacer excepciones. Mire las paredes. Tapizadas de fotos de boda que jamás me pagaron . Lo más de moda es divorciarse en la luna de miel. ----
----Pero entienda, nuestro amor es eterno y verdadero.----
-----Exactamente lo mismo que dicen todos.----
ENGLISH VERSION.
----Sorry pal. All wedding photographs must be paid up front. Check my walls. It's a gallery of couples who never paid. It's the current trend to get divorced during the honeymoon.---
----But please understand our love is true and forever,---
----That's what they all say.----
----Pero entienda, nuestro amor es eterno y verdadero.----
-----Exactamente lo mismo que dicen todos.----
ENGLISH VERSION.
----Sorry pal. All wedding photographs must be paid up front. Check my walls. It's a gallery of couples who never paid. It's the current trend to get divorced during the honeymoon.---
----But please understand our love is true and forever,---
----That's what they all say.----
Saturday, March 16, 2013
GENES. © Carlos de la Parra. micro. versión ESPAÑOL---ENGLISH version,clic down.
Encontró una fórmula extraña durante sus experimentos genéticos.
Se trataba de un vínculo por el cual se podían unir dos mentalidades inter especies.
Se inyectó la substancia, y se la inyectó a una gallina.
Maravillado ingresó mentalmente al mundo cerebral de la gallina.
Por una hora rascó la tierra en el jardín , apreció la sensación de cacarear, y puso un huevo. Ésto ultimo lo dejó horrorizado. La gallina le habló, y le dijo.---No te preocupes, yo puse el huevo. Al igual que tú eres quien habla a través de mí.---- Escuchar ésto le dió un grado de alivio.
El efecto pasó y sintió un tremendo agotamiento, por lo cual se fué a dormir. Antes de acostarse guardó el huevo en un cajón para estudiarlo al día siguiente. Dejó a la gallina en el jardín para que disfrutara la libertad que él mismo vivió hace un instante.
Doce horas después despertó y vió a su esposa peinándose para salir.
Fué al cajón por el huevo y le preguntó por él al ver que no estaba ahí.
Ella fríamente contestó, ----Me lo desayuné. Desperté con un hambre feroz. Pero hay jamón y queso si te quieres preparar un sandwich.---
Él mejor ya no dijo nada. No quería alterarla.
La esposa salió a traer a los niños de la escuela.
Él decidió ducharse y cuando terminó de bañarse palideció al ver que frente a él la gallina le apuntaba un arma y le decía:---Ésta me la pagas.---
ENGLISH VERSION.
He discovered a way to link minds during an interspecies experiment. After injecting the mix he extracted from brain cells that contained his own's and a lab chicken's, he accomplished cojoining his mind with a hen's ,and managed to perceive the chicken's world through his own mind and went out in the garden and clucked and ate some worms and enjoyed scratching around the dirt. Then he laid the egg. This rendered him horrified, but the chicken spoke and said,---Nothing to worry about. It really was I who laid the egg, in the same way it is now you speaking through me.----
Hearing this gave him some sort of relief, but now he found himself exhausted, so he went to bed, previously putting the egg into a drawer and placing the hen out in the garden so the animal could go feel a moment of joy just like the one he had just lived through.
He awoke to find his wife grooming herself and when he saw the egg missing from the drawer he asked her : ---Where's the egg I left in this drawer dear?----
---Oh, I had it for breakfast. I was starving. There's ham and cheese if you want to have a sandwich.----
He decided to say nothing lest he worry her.
She left to go pick up the children at school and he got into the shower to freshen up. When he came out and just as he dried himself he saw the hen standing there pointing a gun at him, all she said was ---It's payback time, you bastard.----
Se trataba de un vínculo por el cual se podían unir dos mentalidades inter especies.
Se inyectó la substancia, y se la inyectó a una gallina.
Maravillado ingresó mentalmente al mundo cerebral de la gallina.
Por una hora rascó la tierra en el jardín , apreció la sensación de cacarear, y puso un huevo. Ésto ultimo lo dejó horrorizado. La gallina le habló, y le dijo.---No te preocupes, yo puse el huevo. Al igual que tú eres quien habla a través de mí.---- Escuchar ésto le dió un grado de alivio.
El efecto pasó y sintió un tremendo agotamiento, por lo cual se fué a dormir. Antes de acostarse guardó el huevo en un cajón para estudiarlo al día siguiente. Dejó a la gallina en el jardín para que disfrutara la libertad que él mismo vivió hace un instante.
Doce horas después despertó y vió a su esposa peinándose para salir.
Fué al cajón por el huevo y le preguntó por él al ver que no estaba ahí.
Ella fríamente contestó, ----Me lo desayuné. Desperté con un hambre feroz. Pero hay jamón y queso si te quieres preparar un sandwich.---
Él mejor ya no dijo nada. No quería alterarla.
La esposa salió a traer a los niños de la escuela.
Él decidió ducharse y cuando terminó de bañarse palideció al ver que frente a él la gallina le apuntaba un arma y le decía:---Ésta me la pagas.---
ENGLISH VERSION.
He discovered a way to link minds during an interspecies experiment. After injecting the mix he extracted from brain cells that contained his own's and a lab chicken's, he accomplished cojoining his mind with a hen's ,and managed to perceive the chicken's world through his own mind and went out in the garden and clucked and ate some worms and enjoyed scratching around the dirt. Then he laid the egg. This rendered him horrified, but the chicken spoke and said,---Nothing to worry about. It really was I who laid the egg, in the same way it is now you speaking through me.----
Hearing this gave him some sort of relief, but now he found himself exhausted, so he went to bed, previously putting the egg into a drawer and placing the hen out in the garden so the animal could go feel a moment of joy just like the one he had just lived through.
He awoke to find his wife grooming herself and when he saw the egg missing from the drawer he asked her : ---Where's the egg I left in this drawer dear?----
---Oh, I had it for breakfast. I was starving. There's ham and cheese if you want to have a sandwich.----
He decided to say nothing lest he worry her.
She left to go pick up the children at school and he got into the shower to freshen up. When he came out and just as he dried himself he saw the hen standing there pointing a gun at him, all she said was ---It's payback time, you bastard.----
Monday, March 11, 2013
INSPECTOR. ©Carlos de la Parra. versión ESPAÑOL----ENGLISH version. mini micro.
Al revisar la casa del perverso que fué capturado, el inspector encontró una subscripción a la revista " Crianza de gallinas en casa. "
ENGLISH VERSION.
When checking the pervert's home, the inspector found that he was suscribed to "Raising chickens at home."
ENGLISH VERSION.
When checking the pervert's home, the inspector found that he was suscribed to "Raising chickens at home."
Sunday, March 10, 2013
MAHA SAMADHI. © Carlos de la Parra.versión ESPAÑOL---ENGLISH version.
Una vez que Teódulo Zamarripa se enteró de la existencia del Maha Samadhi, la muerte a voluntad, el estado de total unificación con cada escencia del universo, quedó obsesionado con la idea de lograr abandonar su cuerpo y así salir de existir y tener participación en todo tipo de karma y formar eternamente parte de la más elevada realidad cósmica posible. Además eximiéndose de vover a existir como individuo en repetida secuencia de existencias expuesto al incesante adversariato de las dualidades, tal como el bien y el mal, la alegría y el dolor etc.
Devoró lecturas acerca de los caminos espirituales, biografías de swamis y grandes avatares espirituales, entre éstos Yogananda Majahraj, quien frente a sus discípulos entró en estado de nirvana y levitó unos metros del suelo para luego descender su cuerpo suavemente al piso una vez que su espíritu salió del ámbito terrenal. Actualmente yace expuesto su cuerpo incorrupto en los jardines de la "Fundación de Auto Realización en Los Ángeles, California.
Practicó asimismo toda suerte de ayunos y disciplinas para llevar a cabo su preparación mental. Regaló todas sus posesiones terrenales para librarse de las ataduras materiales, igualmente renunció a sus apegos para no ser codependiente y practicó el silencio y la meditación y hasta la abstinencia sexual para de ésta última tomar la energías que harían encenderse a todos sus chakras armónicamente para entrar en el estado iluminatorio.
Llegado el momento se sentó en postura de loto y justo cuando sintió como le surgía la gran energía que lo tendría en segundos ingresando al samadhi, llegó del cielo un asteroide descomunal que lo sumergió al fondo del cráter dejándolo como araña aplastada e interrumpiendo su cometido de no volver a reencarnar.
En sus consecuentes setecientas vidas desarrolló la paciencia.
Su hermano menor quien era su principal seguidor, abandonó toda creencia ultraterrenal y se dedicó a la contabilidad con éxito lo que le acumuló karma para nunca dejar de renacer.
ENGLISH VERSION.
When Sven Silva heard about Maha Samadhi for the first time, it became an obsession to achieve this state of enlightment through which he would no longer reincarnate thus freeing himself from further karma.
This consited in a type of Nirvana that grants the individual a willful death that causes him to levitate a few feet off the ground an upon the spirit exiting the body have the corpse slowly float down to sit on the surface. Historic precedents are the likes of swami Yogananda Maharaj and other yogis that reached this supreme state of illumination, itself so purifying that it renders the body to stay uncorrupted.
The aforementioned swami's physical remains are present for anyone to see at the site of the " Self realization Fellowship " ,in Los Angeles ,California, under a gazebo in one of the gardens. There is a book for guest doctors to leave written testimony of their scientific explanation. So far they coincide that they don't find one such understanding of the phenomenom as of yet.
So Sven Silva submerged himself into practices of disciplines and purification of body and mind such as fasting, meditation and abstinence from sex in order to gather all his energy and launch it upwards from his basic chakra located by his pelvis all the way to the one located at the top of his head causing this the abandonment of the physical body.
As he entered into the midst of this process he was squashed flat under the weight of a huge asteroid, an event that caused him to yet live through seven hundred lives, which made him accomplish the virtue of total patience.
But his younger brother who had been his nearest follower, upon seeing the fate of his sibling renounced any practice related to the hereafter and became a successful accountant. This step derived him into enough accumulation of karma to forever continue reeincarnating.
Devoró lecturas acerca de los caminos espirituales, biografías de swamis y grandes avatares espirituales, entre éstos Yogananda Majahraj, quien frente a sus discípulos entró en estado de nirvana y levitó unos metros del suelo para luego descender su cuerpo suavemente al piso una vez que su espíritu salió del ámbito terrenal. Actualmente yace expuesto su cuerpo incorrupto en los jardines de la "Fundación de Auto Realización en Los Ángeles, California.
Practicó asimismo toda suerte de ayunos y disciplinas para llevar a cabo su preparación mental. Regaló todas sus posesiones terrenales para librarse de las ataduras materiales, igualmente renunció a sus apegos para no ser codependiente y practicó el silencio y la meditación y hasta la abstinencia sexual para de ésta última tomar la energías que harían encenderse a todos sus chakras armónicamente para entrar en el estado iluminatorio.
Llegado el momento se sentó en postura de loto y justo cuando sintió como le surgía la gran energía que lo tendría en segundos ingresando al samadhi, llegó del cielo un asteroide descomunal que lo sumergió al fondo del cráter dejándolo como araña aplastada e interrumpiendo su cometido de no volver a reencarnar.
En sus consecuentes setecientas vidas desarrolló la paciencia.
Su hermano menor quien era su principal seguidor, abandonó toda creencia ultraterrenal y se dedicó a la contabilidad con éxito lo que le acumuló karma para nunca dejar de renacer.
ENGLISH VERSION.
When Sven Silva heard about Maha Samadhi for the first time, it became an obsession to achieve this state of enlightment through which he would no longer reincarnate thus freeing himself from further karma.
This consited in a type of Nirvana that grants the individual a willful death that causes him to levitate a few feet off the ground an upon the spirit exiting the body have the corpse slowly float down to sit on the surface. Historic precedents are the likes of swami Yogananda Maharaj and other yogis that reached this supreme state of illumination, itself so purifying that it renders the body to stay uncorrupted.
The aforementioned swami's physical remains are present for anyone to see at the site of the " Self realization Fellowship " ,in Los Angeles ,California, under a gazebo in one of the gardens. There is a book for guest doctors to leave written testimony of their scientific explanation. So far they coincide that they don't find one such understanding of the phenomenom as of yet.
So Sven Silva submerged himself into practices of disciplines and purification of body and mind such as fasting, meditation and abstinence from sex in order to gather all his energy and launch it upwards from his basic chakra located by his pelvis all the way to the one located at the top of his head causing this the abandonment of the physical body.
As he entered into the midst of this process he was squashed flat under the weight of a huge asteroid, an event that caused him to yet live through seven hundred lives, which made him accomplish the virtue of total patience.
But his younger brother who had been his nearest follower, upon seeing the fate of his sibling renounced any practice related to the hereafter and became a successful accountant. This step derived him into enough accumulation of karma to forever continue reeincarnating.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
PSICONEUROSIS. ©Carlos de la Parra. micro. versión ESPAÑOL----ENGLISH version.
El eminente psiquiatra recibió al matador de toros para llevar a cabo una sesión más con el propósito de mantener su mente afinada y así sostener la secuencia de triunfos que llevaba a través de la temporada.
A pesar de haber salido a hombros por la puerta grande entre lluvia de flores y bragas femeninas, el maestro no cesaba de quejarse en monótona repetición de angustia.
Ocurrió que a los dos de su lote les había convertido en estampas geniales de arte para las miradas y para las cámaras. Una danza con la muerte que bastaba por sí sola ésa corrida para sellarlo como inmortal.
Pero el primero de la tarde dió un paso raro al caminar hacia la espada y pinchó causando que se sangrase el torero en la boca por la rabia con que se mordió los labios al fallar.
Y el doctor le escuchaba. La mirada lanzaba llamas con lágrimas y la voz repetía.
-----Fallé con la espada . Fallé con la espada. Se arruinó mi mejor tarde.----
-----Qué vá matador. Fué una falla del toro. Hoy por hoy todo mundo habla de jamás haber presenciado algo igual.---
----No doctor. Entienda , yo comprendo lo del toro. Lo horrible fué que llegado al hotel fallé con la espada con Mariana.---
ENGLISH VERSION.
The eminent psychiatrist listened to his regular patient, a matador star of the bullfight season. The intent of these sessions was to keep him tuned up mentally for an unstoppable series of triumphal afternoons the man had been enjoying at the bullrings.
In spite of having precisely a roaring success the previous day, in which the aficionados carried him on shoulders and paraded him through the plaza's large door and if that were not enough amidst the aroused sceams of women who caused a storm of panties they flung at him. Yes in spite of that he found something to bitch about most bitterly.
To really understand what took place could be only described as the most serious and fascinating dance with death ever performed, leaving an indelible imprint of glory in the eyes of the audience and the cameras. That day to never be forgotten as a moment of supreme genius and courage. He was now inmortal in history.
On the first bull the deafening cry of the oles went non stop. When he pointed the sword for the kill awaiting the one ton animal to charge at him, the bull seemed to make a slight misstep in his furious advance that caused the sword to hit bone and thus not glide through the flesh for the clean kill he had foreseen. This made the man so furious he fiercily bit his inner lip causing it to bleed.
Now the shrink patiently took in his monotone complaint that endlessly voiced, amidst the rage of fire coming from his eyes.
-----I failed with the sword, I failed with the sword. My best afternoon was ruined----
---Forget it matador. Everyone saw the bull's weird sudden sidestep. They all agree you are the greatest ever.---
----You don't understand me doctor, I'm aware of the issue with the bull. But it was later at the hotel where I failed with the sword with Mariana.---
A pesar de haber salido a hombros por la puerta grande entre lluvia de flores y bragas femeninas, el maestro no cesaba de quejarse en monótona repetición de angustia.
Ocurrió que a los dos de su lote les había convertido en estampas geniales de arte para las miradas y para las cámaras. Una danza con la muerte que bastaba por sí sola ésa corrida para sellarlo como inmortal.
Pero el primero de la tarde dió un paso raro al caminar hacia la espada y pinchó causando que se sangrase el torero en la boca por la rabia con que se mordió los labios al fallar.
Y el doctor le escuchaba. La mirada lanzaba llamas con lágrimas y la voz repetía.
-----Fallé con la espada . Fallé con la espada. Se arruinó mi mejor tarde.----
-----Qué vá matador. Fué una falla del toro. Hoy por hoy todo mundo habla de jamás haber presenciado algo igual.---
----No doctor. Entienda , yo comprendo lo del toro. Lo horrible fué que llegado al hotel fallé con la espada con Mariana.---
ENGLISH VERSION.
The eminent psychiatrist listened to his regular patient, a matador star of the bullfight season. The intent of these sessions was to keep him tuned up mentally for an unstoppable series of triumphal afternoons the man had been enjoying at the bullrings.
In spite of having precisely a roaring success the previous day, in which the aficionados carried him on shoulders and paraded him through the plaza's large door and if that were not enough amidst the aroused sceams of women who caused a storm of panties they flung at him. Yes in spite of that he found something to bitch about most bitterly.
To really understand what took place could be only described as the most serious and fascinating dance with death ever performed, leaving an indelible imprint of glory in the eyes of the audience and the cameras. That day to never be forgotten as a moment of supreme genius and courage. He was now inmortal in history.
On the first bull the deafening cry of the oles went non stop. When he pointed the sword for the kill awaiting the one ton animal to charge at him, the bull seemed to make a slight misstep in his furious advance that caused the sword to hit bone and thus not glide through the flesh for the clean kill he had foreseen. This made the man so furious he fiercily bit his inner lip causing it to bleed.
Now the shrink patiently took in his monotone complaint that endlessly voiced, amidst the rage of fire coming from his eyes.
-----I failed with the sword, I failed with the sword. My best afternoon was ruined----
---Forget it matador. Everyone saw the bull's weird sudden sidestep. They all agree you are the greatest ever.---
----You don't understand me doctor, I'm aware of the issue with the bull. But it was later at the hotel where I failed with the sword with Mariana.---
Saturday, March 2, 2013
TRANCE. © Carlos de la Parra. mini micro. versión ESPAÑOL---ENGLISH version
El doctor sentenció que por padecer una neuropatía , si volvía a tomar su cafecito, quedaría en estado vegetativo.
Pero él no se rajó. Siguió tomando su cafecito.
Y cuando se cumplió lo que dijo el doctor, él se dió cuenta que estando como verdura se la pasaba mejor que nunca.
Sólo extrañaba su cafecito.
ENGLISH VERSION.
The doctor warned him that with the neuropathy he ailed from he should never drink coffee again. He was in risk of falling into a vegetative state.
Nevertheless he was not the kind that chickened out. He went on with his daily coffee.
Once he was turned into a sort of living vegetable; he noticed that this became the best part of his life.
He only missed his morning coffee.
Pero él no se rajó. Siguió tomando su cafecito.
Y cuando se cumplió lo que dijo el doctor, él se dió cuenta que estando como verdura se la pasaba mejor que nunca.
Sólo extrañaba su cafecito.
ENGLISH VERSION.
The doctor warned him that with the neuropathy he ailed from he should never drink coffee again. He was in risk of falling into a vegetative state.
Nevertheless he was not the kind that chickened out. He went on with his daily coffee.
Once he was turned into a sort of living vegetable; he noticed that this became the best part of his life.
He only missed his morning coffee.
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